Article 6 In The Series of Articles on Resurrecting The Romance

Listen, Listen, Listen

You may like to talk but hate to listen.  Or, you may not like to communicate much at all and tune out when the other person talks.

Conversation is a two way street.  You can not have a conversation of one.  Therefore, you must practice your listening skills if you want to spark the romance in your relationship.

Consider this conversation:

Wife: I want to go out for Italian food for dinner.

Husband: I was thinking about firing up the grill and making steaks this evening.

Wife: I really want lasagna and Im way too tired to make it from scratch.

Husband: Ive got a good New York Strip in the freezer.  I think Ill put that on the grill.

This couple is talking past each other.  They are not listening.  Consider this alternative.

Wife: I want to go out for Italian food for dinner.

Husband:  Italian food huh?  I was actually thinking about firing up the grill and having steaks.  Would that be okay?

Wife: Im actually hungry for lasagna.  Ive been thinking about it all day.

Husband: Restaurant X isnt exactly Italian but they have both lasagna and steaks.  Lets go there.

One way to check whether you are really listening is to think about whether you are formulating your response before the other person has finished his or her point.  Active listening requires you to formulate a response only when the other person has had their say.  Often active listening will lead to a compromise position as we saw above.

How does this relate to reviving romance?  When a person feels like their partner really hears what they are saying, they are more receptive to him or her.  They want to please their partner in turn.  They become more loving toward the other person.  Active listening is one of the strongest things you can do to increase the romance in your marriage or partnership.

Dont be a Jerk or a Nag

If you were at the stage of your dating where marriage was a serious consideration, would you have agreed to get married if you perceived that your partner was a jerk or a nag?  Of course not!  Women want to marry nice guys while men want to marry nice girls.  We want to marry people who we perceive will make us happy.

But, over time, many couples take the other for granted.  They begin to think that it is okay to be a nag or a jerk.

Much of this happens subconsciously.  As people start to live together and they grow past the initial romance of marriage, daily life creeps in.

All of a sudden, his leaving the toilet seat up becomes a major issue.  The fact that she doesnt vacuum every day like his mother did starts eating away at his mind.

Also, the stresses of daily life encourage us to take each other for granted.  Its easy to tell the other person to pick up the milk instead of asking them nicely.  We fall into ruts where it is his job to take out the trash even if he comes home from work exhausted. (This article will continue)

Article 7 will conclude this series of articles on Resurrecting The Romance