Article 6 In a Series of Articles on Winning Back a Ex Lover

Contacting Your Ex

The biggest problem most people dealing with break ups face is trying to figure out why their ex wont speak to them about what went wrong. Most peoples first instinct is to call or send a text message to ask what happened or to try and plead with their ex to reconsider.

Each time you do contact your ex, youre subtly telling him that youre not capable of existing without him. While this might sound romantic and noble in a Hollywood film, in reality youre sending your ex a sure sign of your insecurity and high dependence. 

Think back once again to when you first met. You would have been happy and fun to be around. You would have been quite happy to do things for yourself in your own life, deal with your own things and generally be independent.

Now consider all those desperate pleas to get back together, crying and swearing your undying love for your ex. 

Your ex will be seeing someone completely different sitting there than the person he fell in love with, so the more you call or text or email, the less likely it is that hell want to talk.

Stop contacting him at once.

Spend some time reconnecting to the person you used to be. Build up your own self-esteem once again and start going out with friends to take your mind off things. Such simple advice is almost never taken seriously by someone who is so desperately wanting to keep in contact with their ex, afraid that if they dont speak to him, he might meet someone else.

Unfortunately, its good advice. Give your ex some time to miss you. Give him a little space to make him understand what hes lost and what life is like when youre not around. You dont have to wait weeks and weeks. Just give him a little time to see what its like being apart.

When youre feeling a little happier about who you are and what you really want, only then give him a call and suggest you meet for a friendly chat. Meet somewhere public and make sure its relaxed. Have plenty of casual, light-hearted topics planned for conversation and avoid talking about the relationship. You want your ex to see that youre capable of taking responsibility for your own happiness and not completely dependent on him to provide it for you.

When he does see the original happy, bubbly person he fell in love with sitting there opposite him instead of the crying, upset, miserable person he didnt know how to help, hell begin to realize that he did miss you after all.