Article 7 In a Series of Articles on Winning Back Your Ex Lover

Getting Back Together

There are a lot of ideas out there on how to get back together with your ex, which can be useful but it all depends on what you want. If you just want them back for the sake of it then you can use reverse psychology techniques and similar strategies but be aware that these are unlikely to help you recreate a meaningful relationship that can stand the test of time. 

On the other hand if you truly love your partner and know they love you too then you have to invest a little more time and emotion into the whole process. In this chapter we will look at some techniques that may be useful in the short term to get you back together and subsequently we shall explore how you should strengthen the relationship to rekindle lost love and passion.

The most prevalent advice you will find is that you should not initiate any form of contact with your ex for a minimum of three weeks with the reasoning that this is when loneliness spikes and they will be more open to you as suddenly they begin to realize what it is like to be without you. 

However, this tactic can also backfire as your partner may feel you are not interested and that is why you are not calling. This is where insight into the breakup become invaluable as it will help you determine whether your partner leaving was because they didn't want to be with you or whether it was their way of showing you that you aren't meeting their needs. Some people withdraw in the hopes that their partner will pursue them as they need to feel secure about how much they are loved.

You may have also heard that a good strategy is to make your ex jealous by going out with other people as this will instill in them the fear of losing you completely. This is also a tactic that can easily backfire and destroy all shreds of trust left between the two of you because it will appear to your partner that they cannot depend on you at all. Most people want to feel they can rely on their partners completely, especially when times are hard so if you go running off to date someone else in an attempt to make them jealous, your actions may be perceived as running away from a difficult situation.

There is a way around this and that is to go out with your friends, which will also help you calm down as it can be extremely difficult to analyze the situation if you can't get past the pain. You need to move on from the point of blame as it won't help the relationship if you are only focused on playing the blame game. You need to uncover the problem to be able to create a solution as you are probably both to blame or you wouldn't want them back. It does take two to tango after all. 

You may find that your partner calls you first and in this case try and act pleased to hear them, not angry or desperate. You should avoid pushing them into a situation where they have no choice or attempting to make them feel guilty as this will ruin any chance of you getting back together. 



If they do call, this is an excellent opportunity to propose that you meet, preferably over dinner, so you can discuss matters further. Or you can adopt another strategy that may give you a little more time and that is to say that maybe they were right and you both need some breathing space but that you would like to remain friends. This will give you time to start rebuilding the relationship from the foundation up. 

So, if you are at the stage where you have both agreed to be just friends for now you can use this opportunity to create a stronger bond between the two of you. It is the perfect time to find out how they want their needs to be fulfilled. In essence you need to rebuild trust so that they can have their need for certainty satisfied which you probably need as well.

Rebuilding trust is a two way street and you must both accept your share of the problem as well as forgiving each other. Even if it seems that only one side is to blame, often the actions of one person can be in reaction to some things the other person did or didn't do. 

For example, you may have grown distant because you didn't feel loved or that you came first to your partner but he or she doesn't know this because of lack of communication. You both need to be honest with each other.

If you want trust you also must give trust, in other words do what you would like done unto you so you have to be willing to take the first step and have faith in both your partner and the relationship.